QuikTips by Subject:The Think Space
The Think Space is a plan to help children take responsibility for their own behavioral choices while offering adults a safe and responsible way to remove themselves from the emotional loop of misbehavior. QuikTips Bundles
QuikTips is a series of short, practical articles that feature easy-to-use tools for low-stress child management. Bundled in small packets, and arranged by topic for easy reference. Main Menu
Everything you say to a child either builds him up or tears him down. |
What are QuikTips?QuikTips is a series of short, practical articles, written by Calvin and Carolyn Richert, that feature easy-to-use tools for low-stress child management. All techniques presented meet strict scientific and ethical guidelines and have been carefully "road-tested" for effectiveness in everyday use. Every method is thoroughly positive and, when used as intended, can help children develop skills of self-management, confidence, empathy and the many other positive character qualities needed in becoming well-adjusted, productive adults. Also available for purchase: QuikTips Bundles are pre-printed small packets, arranged by topic for easy reference. Teaching Virtue
Taking turns"May I please be next?" 
Would you believe, that one little line does more to regulate "turns" than rules could ever accomplish? When we introduced two computers into our preschool classroom several years ago, we wondered how we were going to manage the inevitable competition for keyboard time.
Apologizing with empathyYour daughter, Jessica, has just deposited an ugly shiner on Eric's head with her favorite doll. Your immediate response, "Oh Jessica. You shouldn't do that. Go say 'sorry' to Eric!" 
Sound familiar? Of course. We've all done it. We were raised that way and we think our children should learn to say 'sorry' too!
Courtesy beyond rights"I had it first!" 
What a sound! A call of passion, competition, justice, possessiveness. Relax. Your child is normal! But, you ask, "What about the selfishness behind those words?" You're right. You intervene and you unconsciously encourage selfishness. You ignore that cry and your child feels neglected, or could get hurt.
Stating food preferencesYou shop for groceries with the best nutrition in mind. You pour over recipes that should appeal to the kids. You spend the day planning a pleasant meal with the family. Finally, you present your efforts with every hope that gratitude will be the family's first response. And the first words out of your four-year-old's mouth? "I don't like that!" The baby shoves his plate on the floor and your eleven-year-old, trying to be kind, says, "Really, mom, can we just have pizza?" 
What a crushing blow, a frustration beyond description! You want to scream, but you cry instead. Your husband is indignant, even angry. Harsh words start to gush out and before you know it, your whole day of anticipation goes up in smoke.
Requesting Without Manipulating"Mommie, Mommie, can I have a cookie?" your hungry child pleads. Noticing that something was missing in the request, you quickly respond, "What's the magic word?" 
STOP right there. Why did you ask for "please"? You say you are teaching a lesson in manners? That's good. Children need to learn good manners. It will help make them more respectful and more effective in the long run. Read more: "What's the Magic Word?" and other efforts to teach good manners
Rough hands turned positive"Please keep your hands to yourself!" A fitting reminder for children in many cases. But, since most children use rough hands at times, isn't a more realistic goal to help them use their hands in more gentle ways? 
"So, how would you handle my two-year-old who loves to pull other people's hair?" inquired a concerned parent.
Effectively managing loose-lipped kids"Emma," you call as your energetic 6-year-old comes blazing though the door, leaving it open. "Will you please close the door?" "I'm in a hurry," she yells back. "Do it yourself!" 
Mouthy kids. They make you crazy. If you had back-talked your mother like that, she would have washed your mouth with soap. You resist that kind of discipline for your children. But, what can you do to protect your home from backtalk and other rude cultural trends? What power do you have against a culture that "spectacularizes" rudeness and "sissifies" kindness?
Is it really possible?I can hear it now. With that crazy half-talk, half-cry voice, your child begs, "Mommy, can I have a cookie?" Questions about whining come to us frequently. That figures, because whining is one of the most difficult childhood habits to manage. 
We have some suggestions, but let's first ask, "How does a child get into that habit in the first place?" Consider this. The first way a child makes her wants or needs known is through the cry. Next, she learns to talk. But, since mere talking is sometimes not very effective, or she hasn't yet learned many words, she adds the cry sound. Now, because that very irritation combination is so effective, it becomes a habit, because children repeat behaviors that work and discard behaviors that don't work. |
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