Effectively managing loose-lipped kids

Mouthy kids. They make you crazy. If you had back-talked your mother like that, she would have washed your mouth with soap.

You resist that kind of discipline for your children. But, what can you do to protect your home from backtalk and other rude cultural trends? What power do you have against a culture that "spectacularizes" rudeness and "sissifies" kindness?

In spite of it all, studies show that parents can still have more influence with their children than their peer culture...even into teen years.

But, it only comes when you have specific operating strategies. Here are three:

1) Set specific speech standards. Requests, for example, should always be prefaced with, "May I please." or "Would you please.". When your child doesn't agree with a directive or request you make, teach him to say, "Okay, but may I ask why?" or some such courteous phrase.

2) Be absolutely consistent in upholding the standards you set. The moment you let something slide or forget your own standards, you undermine the child's respect for you. You don't have to be a sergeant. Just consistent and quietly unbending.

3) Have a specific plan for violations.

• If a child asks for something incorrectly, say, "I will answer you when you ask me correctly," and then stick to your guns. Remember, your best opportunity to teach positive, respectful speech comes when a child wants something.

• If a child makes a mouthy comment about you, either keep quiet at the moment (but definitely speak to the issue later), or look your child squarely in the eyes and firmly say, "You must speak to me with respect." Then continue; "Now, would you please try that again?"

• If the child refuses to cooperate, go to the first point above and stay with your commitment.

Make sure you "mine" those moments as wonderful opportunities for teaching with just a few words. You'll be eternally glad you made the investment.