QuikTips by Subject:The Think Space
The Think Space is a plan to help children take responsibility for their own behavioral choices while offering adults a safe and responsible way to remove themselves from the emotional loop of misbehavior. QuikTips Bundles
QuikTips is a series of short, practical articles that feature easy-to-use tools for low-stress child management. Bundled in small packets, and arranged by topic for easy reference. Main Menu
Everything you say to a child either builds him up or tears him down. |
What are QuikTips?QuikTips is a series of short, practical articles, written by Calvin and Carolyn Richert, that feature easy-to-use tools for low-stress child management. All techniques presented meet strict scientific and ethical guidelines and have been carefully "road-tested" for effectiveness in everyday use. Every method is thoroughly positive and, when used as intended, can help children develop skills of self-management, confidence, empathy and the many other positive character qualities needed in becoming well-adjusted, productive adults. Also available for purchase: QuikTips Bundles are pre-printed small packets, arranged by topic for easy reference. Adult Personal Management
"Bobby, give that car to Tommy!" "Susie, stop pulling the baby's shirt!" "Evin, how many times do I have to tell you to pick up those toys?" Sound familiar? And where were you when you barked those commands? On your feet or on your seat? So, why don't you just get up and go to the child? You're too busy, you say?
It's five minutes before supper and four-year-old Megan urgently pleads, "Mommie, may I please have a cookie?" 
WAIT! Before you answer, think about this. A famous railroad magnate was famous for a response he frequently gave when an employee would request permission to try something new. His typical response? "Sure, why not."
Comedian Rodney Dangerfield isn't the only one who gets "no respect." In our work, we frequently hear that same complaint from parents about the way their children treat them. It's easy to see how our children pick up disrespectful attitudes. They see it in their peers, in their movies and music, on television and in their schools. The pressure to be disrespectful toward others is everywhere. They even get shunned by their friends if they don't participate in disrespectful behavior. Truthfully, it can't be escaped. But it must not be ignored. Disrespect is not new. It's as old as mankind. What is different today is the number of disrespectful messages that bombard us constantly. It's what's happening. It's the thing to do.
Your 6-year-old blows in from outside to get a drink and leaves the door wide open. You're instantly irritated. After all, you must have gone over this five thousand times. "Jamie," you bark. "Go shut that door right now!" Is this a likely scene? You bet it is. It happens all the time. It's enough to gag you.
"Daddy, look! My kite is flying!" 
What an exciting moment. Launching that first kite. To a child it's magic. He doesn't think about wind direction or air lift, restraints, counterweights or string strength. All he knows is that what was a lifeless collection of fragile parts on the ground, is now alive and waving in the air. Respect is like that too. We love respect, but we seldom stop to consider the elements that make that fragile kite fly.
It makes you crazy, doesn't it, when the kids keep doing things you've asked them to stop? And the louder you talk, the worse it gets. Once again, no respect. On the other hand, your spouse is on your case about cleaning the garage, or what about the cleaners who just ruined your best slacks? Pretty soon you feel that if someone messes up one more time or makes one more demand of you, you'll explode. And sometimes you do.
"Billy, take out the trash right now, or else!" 
As silly as that demand sounds, it is no less silly than many of the other ways we adults seek to motivate our young. As we call, coax, threaten and throw complaints at our kids, we are doing serious damage to the very respect we want our kids to use with us. So, how DO you motivate children to get the job done and still retain that fragile relationship we call "respect?"
"Good luck. Shane has had a really bad morning." 
With that Shane's mother leaves him with the care provider and hurries off to work. What's wrong with this picture? "Everything," you say. Right or wrong, this example does illustrate something we all do - talk about our kids in front of them. |
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