QuikTips by Subject:The Think Space
The Think Space is a plan to help children take responsibility for their own behavioral choices while offering adults a safe and responsible way to remove themselves from the emotional loop of misbehavior. QuikTips Bundles
QuikTips is a series of short, practical articles that feature easy-to-use tools for low-stress child management. Bundled in small packets, and arranged by topic for easy reference. Main Menu
Everything you say to a child either builds him up or tears him down. |
What are QuikTips?QuikTips is a series of short, practical articles, written by Calvin and Carolyn Richert, that feature easy-to-use tools for low-stress child management. All techniques presented meet strict scientific and ethical guidelines and have been carefully "road-tested" for effectiveness in everyday use. Every method is thoroughly positive and, when used as intended, can help children develop skills of self-management, confidence, empathy and the many other positive character qualities needed in becoming well-adjusted, productive adults. Also available for purchase: QuikTips Bundles are pre-printed small packets, arranged by topic for easy reference. Adult Personal Management
"Believe it or not!"
Tantrums, stubbornness, backtalk, anger, arguing...kid behaviors that make life difficult, sometimes nearly impossible. Of course, it would be easier to not be the target of such disrespect. But, take heart: behind those attitudes are some remarkable realities. Consider the positive character qualities that make such behaviors possible in the first place. Understanding "the other side of the coin" can make a huge difference in your responses when your kids act up!
...and other empty add-onsVery clearly, you explain to your six-year-old, Chad, why his homework has to be finished before he may watch TV. You finish your decree with an emphatic, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" 
You mean well. But STOP: ask yourself, "Do you know what Chad understands? " How do you know? How about replacing, "Do you understand?" with, "What are you going to do?"
"Katie, hurry up and get dressed!" "Charlie, get your hands off your brother!" "April, if I have to tell you again to stay on your chair." "Chad, you forgot to put your name on your paper." 
At times, the "sergeant" in us takes over. There we are, commanding our little charges around like a bunch of soldiers. "But," you ask, "how can you get things done any other way? The kids do need direction, after all."
Have you noticed that, in guiding your children, questions capture their attention better than commands? But wait: questions need to be worded carefully, because not all questions are beneficial...or even fair. 
Opposition or Opportunity?"But mom, you promised..." 
If you work with children, you know this complaint. Imagined or real, it comes with the territory. Some “promises” arise out of innocent discussions about what to do. Or, maybe you cave in just to get the kids off your back. Time and space cannot contain all the stories of disappointments over broken promises. Even if a child doesn’t object at the time, the greater damage may come later as resentment builds.
Handling your child-induced frustrationToday, your normally sweet little girl seems determined to push every button you have. You know you need to stay calm. You might even succeed. But, just under the surface, your anger and frustration are boiling. So, you admit, "I'm learning how to handle my child's upsets. But, what do I do with MY emotions?" 
It's a worthy question, for suppressed feelings inevitably ooze their way out in subtle, but inappropriate ways. We may not even realize it's happening.
We've all seen it. In fact, it's easier to see in others than in yourself. What's that? How so many parents let their children just run right over them. 
We understand. You want to be "nice" to your kids. But, being "nice" can end up with your kids treating you any way BUT nice. So, what's missing? Read more: Critical components of effective parenting (1 of 6)
Recently, an exasperated mother called complaining, "I'm so frustrated. I can't control my kids!" "That's the problem," I gently teased. "You're trying to CONTROL them." One day, I had to take five preschoolers with me to get some medicine for my mother.
But, it would be thirty minutes before the order was ready. What to do with five preschoolers in a room filled with patients? I quickly organized a way to MANAGE them. Read more: Critical components of effective parenting (2 of 6) |
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