We've all seen it. In fact, it's easier to see in others than in yourself.
What's that?
How so many parents let their children just run right over them.
We understand. You want to be "nice" to your kids. But, being "nice" can end up with your kids treating you any way BUT nice.
So, what's missing?
It could be any one of several things - or a combination of them. We have outlined six "critical components" that make positive parenting work out well. This article looks at the first of those items. The others will follow in the months to come.
The first critical component is ASSERTIVENESS. In other words, giving strong, positive direction.
"But I don't like to be pushy or harsh," you object.
That's fine. Still, you can be kind while being assertive (although, the kids may not call you "nice" at the moment).
Here's the point. When you give children too little direction or let them ignore the direction you DO give them, your kids end up disrespecting you, regardless how "nicely" you gave the direction.
So, how do you be assertive without damaging something inside your child?
- Be consistent - For example, if you require requests to be made with "please" in the middle of the sentence, make sure that happens every time. Also, be careful to use that practice yourself.
- Be firm - It's common for kids to squirm out of doing what's right. Instead, quietly, but firmly withhold privileges until your priorities are met.
- Look forward - Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, focus your child's attention forward. Ask, "What will you do 'next time'?"
- Avoid punishment - Punishment is a poor teacher. Instead, simply help your child correctly replay an unacceptable behavior. Use 'The Think Space' to reinforce your teaching.
- Avoid belittling - Like adults, children resent being made fun of or being made to feel inadequate.
- Be compassionate - Kindly say, "I understand that you would like an ice cream bar. Have you finished picking up your toys?"
Do you feel better now about being ASSERTIVE? This component will help you be more pro-active and less re-active. Now go do what's best for your child - and you - with confidence!
