But, it would be thirty minutes before the order was ready. What to do with five preschoolers in a room filled with patients? I quickly organized a way to MANAGE them.

Placing five magazines on five chairs in a row, I had each child 'read' the magazine on their chair. At the end of every minute, they scooted up the line to the next magazine. They loved the exercise, while the patrons watched with delight.

As we left, an elderly lady remarked, "Now, that was the best-behaved group of five-year-olds I have ever seen."

But, what if I had tried to CONTROL them? Threats, harsh looks and stern orders would have worn out both the kids and me.

Here's the point: when you CONTROL children, YOU are the focus of your concern. So, if a child isn't as interested in you as you are, there's a problem.

But, when you MANAGE children, THEY are your focus. You find ways to work with them that fit the way they're made.

Not that you can't control people. It's been done for eons. Years ago, Machiavelli wrote, "To those who would rule, it is better to be feared than loved."

• So it is, that controllers create fear,
  while managers build confidence.
• Controllers use outer strength:
  managers use inner strength.
• Controllers dictate action:
  managers seek cooperation.
• Controllers ignore emotion:
  managers invite emotional participation.
• Controllers try to create a different person:
  managers engage the person 'as is'.
• Controllers draw power to themselves:
  managers share it, even if it's limited.

Now, how about you? If you're a stressed parent, you're probably a controller. If you're unstressed, you have figured out how kids tick, and act accordingly. That would make you a manager.

So, if you're not one now, how about becoming a manager? Take some time to think through what's happening inside both you and the child. Keep at it. You'll get there sooner than you think!