"Believe it or not!"
Tantrums, stubbornness, backtalk, anger, arguing...kid behaviors that make life difficult, sometimes nearly impossible.
Of course, it would be easier to not be the target of such disrespect. But, take heart: behind those attitudes are some remarkable realities.
Consider the positive character qualities that make such behaviors possible in the first place. Understanding "the other side of the coin" can make a huge difference in your responses when your kids act up!
- TANTRUMS
Show a healthy lack of inhibition, daring disposition, creative resourcefulness. These children are goal-focused and assertive. - STUBBORNNESS
Shows a goal-oriented disposition, courage and tenacity, willingness to "be oneself". - BACKTALK
Indicates courageous negotiation, assertiveness, targeted use of strong language; implies confidence in standing up for one's own opinions. -
ANGER
Shows strong feelings, attitudes; willingness to express oneself; is often based in strong perception of right and wrong. - ARGUING
Shows willingness to see and express a different point of view; indicates developing logic, courage in standing up to a human "giant".
As much as we would all like our children to go through their childhoods without negative behavior, it probably isn't going to happen. So, when these things occur, be happy. They are actually showing growth and development!
What to do?
Here are some general responses that help in dealing with children in transition:
- WAIT - Delay addressing inappropriate behavior until things have calmed down.
- AGREE - Let your child know the positive qualities you see in what has happened.
- LISTEN - Encourage your child to respectfully explain his choices. You might learn something you didn't know.
- ALLOW MISTAKES - Sometimes it's best to let a willful child experience the result of a poor choice (where no lasting harm is likely).
- STAY POSITIVE - Use positive language in your correction. Keep your primary focus on looking forward, rather than backward.
That's all for now, but always remember "the other side of the coin" before you react.
