WAIT! Before you answer, think about this.

A famous railroad magnate was famous for a response he frequently gave when an employee would request permission to try something new. His typical response? "Sure, why not."

And isn't that the way a lot of highly successful people respond to life - making positive responses to what life brings them? Why would successful parenting be any different?

Still, five minutes before supper is definitely NOT the time for a four-year-old to eat a cookie. So, how do you say "no" and stay positive?

The answer, "Just say 'yes!'". . . and then give the condition, such as, ". . . after supper."

So, is this just a trick, or can we learn something here? In other words., why say "yes" when your real answer is "no?" Let's take a moment to think.

• First, you already know that "no" is a fighting word to most children. Why invite a fight when you don't need to? On the other hand, "yes." quickly changes a potential contest into a motivation. In the cookie illustration, the contest about whether or not to have a cookie is now replaced by the positive motivation of eating a healthy meal.
• Second, "no" is negative and "yes" is positive. Do you want to foster a negative or a positive atmosphere between yourself and your children? Which way will ultimately make your environment more positive? I hope the answers are obvious.
• Third, far from trickery, here is an important life lesson about communicating with other people. Instead of getting stuck on a detail of the present moment, this technique helps a child focus on a larger, positive goal. That way your child will willingly sacrifice the immediate, smaller goal for the larger, more important one.
• Finally, children need to learn the value of first choosing the higher road and then rewarding oneself later. Four-year-old Christopher provided us with a great illustration. "Mom," he asked, "do you know what dessert is?" "No, honey," his mother responded. "What is dessert?" His classic response, "Dessert is delayed gratification!"

And so it is out of our responses that we build the environments where our children grow. Believe it or not, the simple word "yes" is an important key to positive development. Try it. You'll like it!