Comedian Rodney Dangerfield isn't the only one who gets "no respect."
In our work, we frequently hear that same complaint from parents about the way their children treat them. It's easy to see how our children pick up disrespectful attitudes. They see it in their peers, in their movies and music, on television and in their schools. The pressure to be disrespectful toward others is everywhere. They even get shunned by their friends if they don't participate in disrespectful behavior. Truthfully, it can't be escaped. But it must not be ignored.
Disrespect is not new. It's as old as mankind. What is different today is the number of disrespectful messages that bombard us constantly. It's what's happening. It's the thing to do.
On the delinquency side, many youth rehab programs see respect as the single most important element that needs to be restored in the lives of children gone wrong. In general, law enforcement officials see the breakdown of respect as a major contributor to crime and other anti-social behaviors.
So, what can we adults - parents, teachers, care providers - do to foster respect? Plenty. It's not hopeless. Contrary to the way it seems sometimes, parents and other adults can still have more influence than friends and media. However, we have to know our tools and use them wisely.
Obviously, this is a bigger subject than we can cover in a short article, so we will do it in a continuing series.
Here are the areas we will cover in upcoming issues to help you set up an atmosphere of respect with your children:
- Modeling: Showing respect in the way we talk to and treat other people, especially children.
- Using Standards: Setting and sticking to the things we require of our children.
- Responding: How adult responses to life's challenging circumstances teach respect... or disrespect.
- Motivating: Finding and using tools that help children do "the right thing" without the disrespectful use of pain or shame.
As we close this month's segment, here are a few ideas about respect to consider until we meet again:
- Respect is contagious, but it can only be passed on if you have it first.
- As an adult, you may deserve respect, but in reality, you buy it with frequent payments of respect to the people that you want to respect you.
- Respect means the most when you deliver it respectfully to disrespectful recipients.
