"Bobby, give that car to Tommy!"

"Susie, stop pulling the baby's shirt!"

"Evin, how many times do I have to tell you to pick up those toys?"

Sound familiar? And where were you when you barked those commands? On your feet or on your seat? So, why don't you just get up and go to the child? You're too busy, you say?

Of course, you're busy. You're a parent. But, one of the traps we parents easily fall into is managing our children primarily with our voices. So, we easily get into the habit of calling out (even shouting) orders over and over again.

You may even not like what you hear and see in yourself, but what else can you do? Just ignore the situations and let someone get hurt? That would be irresponsible.

Here is a practice we've been using for some time that has cut our verbal commands and corrections in half. It's called "Manage from your feet, not from your seat."

And what's so special about that line?

• For starters, you dramatically increase your influence when you quietly go to a child without saying anything (or, without repeating a command) and gently direct him or help do whatever is appropriate at the moment.
• Most children learn best by "doing." Maybe you just need to turn his shoulders or lead him by the hand. Maybe you even help his hands do the appropriate thing. Whatever the case, in this way, your child is actively learning what he apparently failed to pick up from your words.
• Another strength of going to a child quietly is that you encourage him to use his own brain and conscience rather than yours.
• Next, you use far less energy by quietly going to the child than by issuing more verbal orders or threats. The truth is that orders are usually made with emotion, and the energy drain of emotion far exceeds the energy drain of quietly going to a child.
• Going to the child gets you personally involved while words called across the room keep you "at arm's length" from the child. Ask yourself, "Which way is going to be better for the child? "

But, you object, doesn't this teach a child to delay until you start toward him. Well, it could, but that doesn't seem to happen. Children have a strong drive that overcomes the waiting habit: that drive -- "I want to do it by myself."

That "by myself" drive also protects them from making a habit out of your helping them do whatever it is you've asked them to do. The bottom line is almost always that they'd prefer to do it by themselves.

So, your new role will be to help your child get started, if necessary, and then back off, letting her continue "all by herself."

In the end, you'll save yourself loads of frustration and energy by disciplining yourself to "manage from your feet, not from your seat." Along the way, your children will grow in respect, conscience and confidence.