Summary
Kids delay getting ready for a number of reasons. However, the bottom line when that becomes a habit is that you have indirectly taught that you will make sure they get ready, even though your methods include constant reminders, nagging and yelling. What you need to do is help them experience the logical and natural consequences of being unprepared. In other words, you need to allow them to experience the result of their own procrastination.
We have a great plan for that. It's called "taking the kids 'as is'. We explain it in the "full text" version of this reply...
Full Text
Patty -
The best procedure we have found for that kind of procrastination and delay is a combination of several techniques. What we are going to suggest here may seem a bit radical, but it is totally logical and the consequences are totally natural. You will only need to do what we are suggesting one time with most children. A very strong-willed child may persist through 3 or 4 cycles, but he or she will eventually get the message.
The key to this procedure being effective, however, is you. You have to do all the following steps without threatening, yelling or coaxing. You must stay calm at all times, making certain that your actions are done without "attitude" on your part. After all, it is highly likely that, on a subconscious level, your children are doing what they do simply to enjoy the entertainment you provide while they delay! That may sound a bit unusual, but it is absolutely the case in almost every situation like yours.
a) Several hours before leaving, you get the total attention of your children about the upcoming departure. Clearly state where you are going and when you are leaving. Now, have each child involved state back to you those two items - where you are going and when you are leaving. Be careful to avoid saying what the ultimate consequence of not being ready will be. You keep that a closely held secret. If your spouse is available (and I suggest that the first time you do this, you do it at a time when you can work together as a team so that you maintain control of the whole situation, including yourselves), make sure that he or she understands the plan and that he or she doesn't "leak" the possible upcoming consequence.
b) Once an hour before you leave, remind them of the upcoming departure. In the final hour, remind them 1/2 hour before leaving and again 15 minutes before leaving.
c) When the departure time arrives, AT EXACTLY THE TIME PREVIOUSLY AGREED ON FOR BEING READY, you pick up the children in whatever state of readiness or unreadiness you find them, put them in the vehicle you are using for the trip, strap them in and go wherever it is you are going. If they are too big to carry, scoot them out the door in whatever way is effective as long as you are being humane and non-entertaining. If the resisting child is old enough to stay at home alone, leave without him or her. Remember, you are making an extremely important statement here and one time not going to church or school will not make or break a child's future. Be assured that doing what we are suggesting here will very soon result in a positive response.
Once on the way, you totally ignore any cries, threats or other flack coming from the kids. It is also VERY important that you avoid any further explanation about what you are doing. They will get the message much faster and more permanently without words than with words, GUARANTEED! If the place you are going requires a certain dress code, before leaving home you may use the option of quickly putting into a paper or plastic bag the remaining clothes they haven't yet put on and bring them with you. Avoid using any other more acceptable bag. You want the situation to quietly embarrass the child and part of that embarrassment will be the kind of bag used for the clothes being brought along.
d) Since it is illegal for the kids to be out of their seats and/or seat belts while you travel, they may still be in the same state of undress that they were in when you deposited them in the car, so when you arrive wherever you are going, you deposit them and their belongings wherever you would normally deposit them and, if necessary, quietly explain to the supervising adult what has happened. That supervising adult, then, has the option of allowing the children to finish getting ready or to disallow it. If he or she disallows it, you quietly explain to the child that the supervising adult (teacher, coach, preacher or whomever) won't allow the child to finish getting ready, so the child will have to stay there and participate in whatever activity is planned "as is."
e) When you pick up the child or children that have been embarrassed, avoid any extended discussion about what happened, especially any vindictive comments like, "You got what you deserved." Instead, if the child complains about being embarrassed, you may say you are sorry that they were embarrassed. You then limit further discussion to one question, "What are you going to do next time to keep from being embarrassed?" The child may try to avoid an appropriate answer, but you must not go there. Just ask the same question one more time, if necessary, and then refuse any further response on the subject.
3) Now, the next time you have a place to go, you start out exactly the same way with the advance announcement, clarification, etc. If they ask whether you are going to do the same thing that you did last time, you simply say that is up to them. Strictly avoid any other explanation or discussion on the matter.
4) Since your home is apparently experiencing a pretty well established habit of procrastination, a second go-round like the first one may be necessary. However, a third cycle is highly unlikely, as long as you strictly stick to the guidelines we have given you.
Good luck. Let us know how it goes!
