Summary

It might not, but it could, so why risk it? However, the bigger question is why do you want to hit a child at all? What are you teaching that child when you hit him? Is he learning to stop doing what is displeasing you, or is he learning that hitting is what you do when someone does something that he doesn't like? Do you really think that causing a child pain is the best way to teach him something, or are you just out of options?

Speaking of options, how about equipping yourself with tools of positive management.and then commit yourself to using them? It is our firm belief that most adults hit children out of desperation or frustration more than out of a conviction that corporal punishment is what is best for that child. As a matter of fact, our last 20 years of professional childcare is an ongoing demonstration that proves beyond any doubt that positive management is superior to negative management.and is better for the child.

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Full Text

Kimberly -

Your question - Can a little disciplinary "slap" actually damage a child - is short and to the point. However, our response - "yes...and no" -- isn't that concise!

If your question comes from a single incident, which has never been repeated, that incident, when mixed in with all the other positive experiences that your child has had and will have with you, will gradually become a very distant memory. Maybe it will even be forgotten.

On the other hand, "where there's smoke, there's fire"; i.e., where there is one slap, there are probably more just waiting to happen. In other words, a little "disciplinary" slap may not permanently harm a child...but it could, so, why risk it? To me, the real question has to be, WHY slap a child ever?

Do you do it out of anger, frustration, or quick temper? Did you take the time to patiently and clearly communicate beforehand, the standard (the rule) that the child has violated? Does the child understand what you want him or her TO do and not just what you want him/her to NOT do? Did you do it because you have truly run out of options? If so, what have you done to give yourself more options?

Do you think that having pain associated with an inappropriate behavior will help that child in positive development? Are you aware that research and anecdotal (circumstantial) evidence both show that just the opposite is true...that instead of building a foundation of confidence, such techniques build a foundation of fear for future behavioral choices. And, are you aware that overall, the #1 condition that people under psychological and psychiatric care are treated for is fear? So why would we want to do things to our children that promote complications in their lives?

From another perspective, are you aware that a slap - even one time - sets a precedent that is difficult to undo? Simply put, when you use a technique that is successful in motivating your child, be it negative or positive, you set up expectations in your child. That simply means that he or she immediately learned that the slap is what "mommy" does when she really means what she says. So, if your child is strong-willed (and he or she probably is), he or she will do an inappropriate thing until you are forced to use a strong, physical response such as the slap.

However, can you see that you have inadvertently taught something to your child that you will have to "unteach" at some point...or did you mean to teach your child that slapping is what you want him to do when a person does something s/he doesn't like?

There are so many less dangerous options. It's hard to imagine a situation where the slap would truly be in the child's best interest.

With all that said, let me urge you to read and study our monthly articles on our website, www.dwd.com under the "solutions/advice" titles. In a nutshell, they are all about real communication through positive guidance. The core truth is this; once you have communicated through positive means, negative options like a "disciplinary slap" are a mute point!

We manage children every day that represent every disposition imaginable and we do it all without physical or any other negative type of communication. In the end, it's more efficient, more fun and a lot less stressful for both child and adult.

And the outcome? In short, the children from our school grow up with more confidence and less emotional baggage than we carried into adulthood. Our earnest hope and goal is to help them become more effective people than we have been or will be. Our nearly twenty years of graduates are showing us that there is a good chance that will be the case! May the same be true with you and your family.

Thanks for your very pertinent question.