Summary

We know of no "sure cure" for biting. However, we have found some things that work really well. In fact, the success rate of what we share here is 100% in our experience. We hope the same for you.

In this response, we first discuss the need to understand the motivations behind the child's biting. Reduced to their bare bones, biting is almost always about power - the power to solve a perceived problem. Next, we discuss the healing process; in other words, how to involve the biter in the healing of the bitten child. Finally, we explain O.T.R., perhaps the most effective tool that we have ever developed for helping a child truly embrace an change of attitude about the proper use of his teeth.

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Full Text

Hi Kelley -

Thanks for the opportunity to help with the biting issue. Biting is one of those areas that seems evade a "sure cure". Beyond that, biting is scary because it can result in both broken skin as well as broken relationships. Suggested solutions from specialists run all the way from biting back to various punishments to biting carrots, all of which have serious weaknesses of their own.

After years of working with biting, we have found O.T.R. (we'll explain that later), together with several other supportive processes, to be the closest thing we have found to a sure cure. In fact, when we have conscientiously applied the following steps just a few times to a biter, that habit quickly fades away.

1. THE MOTIVATIONS - The supervising adult (that's you), needs to clearly understand the basic motives of biting. In our view, it's all about the power to either create a reaction in another person or defend one's own turf. It may be the most powerful tool, after crying, that your child has discovered to this point in life. Some children discover it early, some later. In the case of Elizabeth, who was the catalyst for the development of OTR, she discovered her teeth late (nearly three years old at the time of the incidents).

Once you, the adult, understand the motives behind biting, you can develop meaningful solutions that truly address those motives rather than just the biting itself. If a biting incident is about a turf issue, i.e., "Give my toy back to me!" you need to review an appropriate way to get something back. If the biting is to enjoy a reaction, which is more often than not the case, you use an OTR project to help train her thinking about how to treat other people.

2. THE HEALING PROCESS - A first incident gets less attention than the second in a series. In both cases, however, the offending child needs to help "heal" the offended child. We use small bags of frozen blueberries (boo-boo berries), peas or corn as cold packs on the bitten area. The offending child needs to hold the cold pack on the offended child's boo-boo until it feels better. At the same time, the supervising adult needs to help the offending child notice the teeth marks on the other child and emphasize how much those teeth marks hurt. You can also ask your child if it would be okay for the other child to do the same thing to her. Of course, she will say "no" to which you ask, "Why not?" She will say, "Because it hurts." That's when you say, "That's why you need to keep your teeth to yourself and keep them off other people."

Then, the offending child still needs to stay with the hurt child for a while until most of the signs of hurt feelings are gone. Ask the offender, "What can you do now to help Lizzie feel better?" That might include an apology, a kiss on the boo-boo, a hug, helping the other child with a project and/or just play with the child for a while. For the record, punishing an offender by not letting her play with the other child is inappropriate because the offender needs to practice caring, gentle behavior just as soon as possible after a biting incident. In this way the new mindset is secured in the offending child rather than delayed and possibly lost.

The purpose of all these exercises is to foster a sense of empathy in the offending child. When assisted with care and patience, most children end up feeling quite remorseful after a biting incident, especially when they participate in helping heal the hurt they have caused. But, even if your child doesn't seem to be as sorry as you would like her to be, she at least needs to be closely involved in the healing process.

3. THE O.T.R. PROJECT - Off-Trauma Retracking (O.T.R.) is a way of helping a child establish or reestablish a positive mindset toward oneself, another person or some activity. (You should go back to your manual to review this section.) In the case of biting, a helpful exercise is to ask your child, "What are you going to do with your teeth?" Then help her answer, "I'm going to keep them to myself," or some other desirable positive response. Be careful to keep these exchanges brief -- 8 to 12 seconds per review. You do this every hour on the hour for several days while your child is awake -- also, just before your child goes to sleep and when she first wakes up. In this way, your child is absorbing her new mindset as a part of her day as well as during her most receptive periods -- the minutes immediately on either side of her sleep times. The result is that she will literally integrate a caring mindset about her teeth as her own without feeling that it is being imposed on her.

Additionally, immediately before your child enters a situation that you know ahead of time can include a temptation to bite, you help your child focus on the appropriate use of her teeth in that situation. Emphasize what TO do with her teeth rather than what NOT to do. In other words, instead of stressing that we DON'T bite, you would ask, "Now Ellie, what are you going to be doing with your teeth while you play with Jennifer?" After the time of potential temptation is successfully finished without a biting incident, encourage your child with a mini celebration for using her teeth in the appropriate way.

Thanks again for making contact. Let us know how things work out.

If you need more help, feel free to call.