"It's My Turn!": Part 1 of 3
Your children are playing quietly with their new PlayStation, when four-year- old Artie suddenly screams, "IT'S MY TURN!"
Instantly, you figure that his big sister is stretching her turn. After all, she tends to do that. Because Shelly is probably abusing her privilege, you address her first. "SHELLY!" you shout.
BUT WAIT!
Before you "rescue" Artie from his sister's injustice, consider this. If you make a practice of "fixing things" for Artie, how is he ever going to learn to respond to injustice more appropriately?
- How does he develop inside strength or resourcefulness?
- When will he experience the joy of peaceful problem solving?
- Learn the virtue of patience?
- Realize that life often isn't fair?
You see, most any psychologist will tell you that, "Success in life is pretty much about how you respond to what happens."
But, adults tend to act as if such thinking is beyond a child's ability to learn. Instead, they "fix" things for their kids . until they are too old to make orderly conflict resolution a part of their early development.
So, how can Mommy use the PlayStation incident to help Artie respond better and grow stronger?
Help the kids to make a plan BEFORE they start and explain it to you. That way, if there is disagreement, your first words will be, "What was the plan?"
If there is no plan, teach them to ask, "May I please be next?" Kids can exercise incredible patience when they feel they have some control over what's coming up, even without an exact ending time.
Make a clear understanding that, if there is disagreement, they are to try to work things out peacefully BEFORE asking for your help. Also, that violence and rudeness with each other are never acceptable choices.
The whole point is to reduce your involvement in "fixing" conflicts between children by guiding them toward acceptable responses when there is disagreement.
In the end, Artie (and Shelly too) will gain strength, confidence and patience - virtues that will serve them well for the rest of their lives.
And what about Shelly? We'll work on her next month!
