Understanding the anatomy of strong emotions: Part 3 of 5
Is anger a friend or an enemy? Believe it or not, it can be both!
In the first anger article, we offered ways to help children handle their anger.
The second article explored typical feelings that lead to anger in children.
Now we expose some 'self-talk', written as unspoken thoughts hidden inside your child.
DESTRUCTIVE Anger . . .
THE LAW OF THE JUNGLE
- "I use loud angry shouting and crying to scare others into doing what I want."
- WHAT TO DO? After your child has cooled down, gently help him 'see' how much his behavior is like an ordinary animal. Then, help him talk quietly with his offender using 'human' behavior.
THE ASSUMPTION PRINCIPLE
- "Someone is bothering me on purpose . . . and he knows better!"
- WHAT TO DO? Help your child sit down and ask the offender 'what happened' - questions to get information, not to accuse.
THE IDENTITY PRINCIPLE
- "I like my anger because that's part of who I am. I'm afraid that if I let it go, I'll lose part of myself."
- WHAT TO DO? Your child feels insecure within himself. So, help him find a more positive identity quickly . . . before his anger identity becomes nearly permanent!
THE HEALTH PRINCIPLE
- "When I'm tired or don't feel well, I lose my temper more easily."
- WHAT TO DO? Do everything possible to help your child stay well. Serve balanced meals and nutritious snacks. Provide vitamin supplements to support mind and body. Make sure he gets abundant physical exercise and adequate sleep.
CONSTRUCTIVE ANGER . . .
THE ENERGIZING PRINCIPLE
- "When I'm angry, I can do things better and faster."
- WHAT TO DO? Help your child use the extra energy of anger for constructive purposes. So, avoid 'blasting' your child's anger away with your own anger. Rather, help him focus on using his anger to do positive things faster and better.
In the end, anger can be either a friend or foe, depending on how it is used. Children need strong leadership, however, to help them use anger positively. That's your responsibility. As you apply these ideas, you will see anger gradually transformed into very positive accomplishments.
