Helping children manage their own strong emotions: Part 1 of 5
"He gets so angry sometimes, I hardly know what to do!" confided a mother about her 5-year-old son.
"Actually," I responded, "you first need to be glad that your son has strong feelings and that he feels the freedom to express them."
"That helps me," she mused, "but how do I help my son deal with his strong feelings?"
Of course, she doesn't want her child to hurt himself or others - or their property - in a fit of anger. What to do?
The practice of releasing emotion by screaming into a pillow or a waste can or by destroying something permissible - called 'catharsis' - actually can encourage outbursts of anger in the future!
But, denying a person an outlet for anger can create an internal emotional 'logjam' later expressed in other unacceptable ways.
So, what can Ella do that will help her son manage his anger?
1. In quiet, stress-free moments, teach him that even when angry, he still has the ability - and responsibility - to choose what he does with his anger.
2. So, help him find ways to harmlessly 'drain' his anger. Here are three suggestions:
- THE HUG: Help him learn to run and give someone (or something) a big hug until his anger calms down. By using his anger energy this way, he 'cools down' without hurting anyone or anything.
- STRENUOUS EXERCISE: Teach your child to 'use up' his extra energy by running fast inside safe boundaries until he is too tired to do something 'bad' or unacceptable.
- THE THINK SPACE: Teach your child to use 'The THINK Space' as a safe place to cool down. Afterward, help your child think through a calmer reaction 'next time'.
3. Whichever method you use, help your child practice - actually, role-play - the exercise off-trauma so that when 'the real thing' happens, he will know what to do. Then you can quickly remind him, "Remember what we practiced?"
Follow this plan consistently, and your child will gradually gain control over the ways he expresses his frustration and anger.
In the next article we help your child better understand his anger.
