“Who were you mostly thinking about…?”
“That’s mine!”
“No! It’s mine!”
“I had it first!”
The sound of conflict quickly launches mother into action before someone gets hurt…or worse!
You see, Jacob had been playing quietly with his older brother’s favorite tractor-trailer when Jamie decided to abruptly take possession of his toy.
If you work with children, you know the drill. However, do you know how to use such events to help children think beyond themselves without ‘preaching’ or lecturing?
Try this series of questions:
“Wait a minute, Jamie! Who were you mostly thinking about when you took that truck from Jacob?”
His answer will be something like, “Thinking about me.”
Your response would be, “I agree.” You then ask, “Was that fair?”
“I guess not.”
“What would be fair?”
“Ask Jacob, ‘May I please be next?’”
“That’s so much better, Jamie. Now, would you please show me how that works?”
And just like that, you have helped your child to do several things:
- You have helped him recognize his own selfishness without accusing him.
- You have helped him balance his natural egocentricity with a healthy awareness of others.
- You have helped him learn a diplomatic way to think through a common conflict.
- You have given him a pattern of thinking that, once learned, will help him think beyond himself in many other ways.
- You have given him the gift of growth from ‘the inside out’ rather than ‘outside in’.
In addition, you have helped yourself:
- You have learned an approach that can be used in hundreds of similar situations. After all, it is safe to say that more than half of all childhood conflicts involve some form of unbalanced selfishness.
- You have effectively used a tool that is the mother of learning – the question. In fact, the more you use questions in your guidance, the more you ask your children for accountability to their own conscience.
You already know that preaching or lecturing children about the evils of selfishness is hopeless. Here’s a way to get the point across by using strategic, non-threatening questions. And, before you know it, they’ll be using it with their own children!
