When ‘…be good’ works in reverse!
“Now guys, what do we expect from you when you are guests at the high school?”
The answer – “To be good”— set off a light in my head that forever changed my thoughts about ‘being good’.
Let me explain.
Once each semester the Child Development class of a local high school needs ‘live’ children for students to practice what they have been studying.
This day, Carolyn took four of our older children – all of them ADHD types.
As they left the car, they suddenly broke away from their hosts and ran ahead to the doors of the school. Obviously, an unsafe choice, they were duly corrected and continued on to class where they participated without further incident.
But, leaving the school, they again broke away and ran to the waiting car! Upset with the situation, Carolyn called ahead to tell me what had happened.
Back at school, we had a little ‘sit-down’. It was their answer – “To be good,” – that caught my attention.
- For starters, we long ago stopped using ‘be good’ as a reminder with children. It’s simply too general: too black-&-white.
- Still, wherever they picked it up, “To be good” was their ready response.
- The problem was that, on that day, they clearly didn’t care about ‘being good’!
In that moment I realized anew that ‘…be good’ actually encourages the very self-centeredness we aim to balance or replace!
You see, even though the idea of ‘being good’ may have a temporary calming effect, those sorts of cautions are still ‘all about me’! And, what if those boys didn’t care about ‘being good’ (which, on that day, was obvious)?
Clearly, they needed to replace their inward focus with a meaningful, outward one.
So, I said, “Hey guys, tomorrow let’s have you concentrate on being respectful to your hosts!”
Guess what? The next day, just like magic, everything went perfectly!
What may seem like a small point actually makes a huge difference because it gives a child a starting place that is beyond himself. In that way, he balances his inborn egocentricity with a healthy respect for others.
