Now, the child could have just said, “Another hamburger and more beans” and no one would have noticed. But, the fact that he took the time to honor the server with a complete sentence and properly include the word ‘would’ said something special about his training as well as about the kind of person he is becoming.

However, such finesse comes only with careful, specific instruction.

Here are two common situations where ‘would’ can be used effectively.

The first comes as an answer to, “How may I help you?” When the child begins his response saying, “I would like…”:

• He honors the person asking the question with dignity and clarity.
• The server is happy to help such a polite child.
• The child’s self-image grows a bit as he answers his server with extra respect.

The second situation is where the child requests a favor.

Almost without fail, when children are first learning the language of courtesy, they say something like, “MAY you please swing me?”

That being the case, children need the guidance of adult leaders to help them say, “WOULD you please swing me?”

And, whether or not you have needed to remind the child use correct wording, you still need to recognize his effort with, “Thank you, Shawn, for asking so kindly.” With that single sentence:

• You encourage Shawn to use extra courtesy with his next request.
• You reinforce correct wording, including the proper use of ‘would’.
• In addition, if you cannot serve that child’s request right then, or at all, the child who requests a favor in a courteous way is far more patient with a declined request than a child who is allowed to use “Can I...”, “Can you...” or “I want...”.

In a world where discourtesy and partial sentences are ‘normal’, the person who uses this kind of language is truly a breath of fresh air.