Paying attention to the ‘small’ moments
My 15-month-old granddaughter and I were finishing our weekly Saturday morning breakfast, when, with a sweep of her arm, she shoved several pieces of left-over bagel to the floor. As a kind passer-by paused to pick them up, I asked him to please leave the pieces on the floor. Surprised, he asked, “Why?”
“Because Kaia has given herself a great opportunity to learn respect and responsibility. Watch.”
I lifted Kaia from her chair, lowering her to the floor with, “Would you please pick up the bagels?” which she did without resistance.
What in that moment was more important than a stranger’s kindness? And, what problem did we solve?
Supported by this and other similar incidents, she will gradually learn to respect other people’s property. And, she will learn to take responsibility for poor choices.
Then, when she is CEO of a struggling corporation, she will find ways to solve her problems. No one will need to ‘bail her out’ because, before she could even talk, she began learning to take responsibility for her decisions!
This classic illustration of how we can unconsciously short-circuit the development of children through kind, but disabling intervention shows how such teachable moments may be only a small, but critical step away. It is our responsibility to notice those moments and to use them to guide our young to infinitely better futures than would be possible if such moments passed unnoticed.
Truth is, we tend to get impatient when our kids need the same lesson over and over. Then the kids push back and the whole situation ‘goes south’.
A few suggestions may help:
- It is your responsibility (not the kids’) to set standards for living.
- It is the responsibility of the children to implement those standards when they have the ability to do so.
- You must be absolutely consistent in implementing your standards. When you violate them, the expectations of children almost always go toward your exception – not the rule!
- Once your standards are set, you don’t need more words. Far better to guide them without more talk. That’s how they remember to do what they already know.
