A Child's Claim to Success
You start to help Ricky get into the car, only to be brushed back with, "No, I do it by myself."
And so it goes. On the one hand, you want your child to be self-reliant...but maybe not so soon. After all, wasn't it just yesterday that you had to do everything for him? Now he acts like he doesn't even want you near him...except when he decides he needs you.
It's enough to make you crazy!
So, where's the balance?
First, understand that the words, "by myself" indicate a phase of growth. It doesn't happen at the same time in every child. Nor does it cover every part of life. However, it usually starts around the age of two and continues throughout childhood and on into adulthood.
Next, as much as possible, honor your child's desire to do "whatever" by himself. After all, the longer view of this "by myself" deal is actually a wonderful thing. That little child is following the call of nature toward becoming a fully functional person...just the way his creator intended it!
Then, it is your job to help the child be successful in her "by myself" efforts. For example, we often hear the words, "This is my work, and I did it all by myself." Even if the child doesn't recognize that someone else has helped, that's okay, because the child is gaining confidence, one of the most important building blocks in a child's development.
Finally, be prepared for failure. In the process of learning to do things "by myself," some failure is inevitable. After all, failure can be a powerfully positive teacher, especially when
1. Whatever mess is created from the failure is cleaned up, at least in part, by the child, and
2. Both child and adult look forward with the goal of the child doing better "the next time."
Regardless of any immediate failure, avoid the words (or attitude), "See, I told you that you needed help. Now look at the mess you've made!"
Instead, use a reminder like, "Next time, let me help you get started," or "You go ahead and get started and I'll help you finish."
