You still have leverage!
"How do I get my child to listen?" - a question we frequently hear from exasperated parents.
It's a common issue that can leave you feeling pretty helpless, especially if you are committed to managing without threats or other fear-based tools.
Here's a very effective option that is especially useful with school-age children or extra-large preschoolers. It's called "Deferred Leverage". Here's how it works.
Suppose you ask your child to do something, but he refuses to move or even respond at all. You quickly see that more talk will not resolve the matter. That's when you quietly decide to not pursue your directive at the moment and wait for your child to do what most children do a hundred times a day - ask for something.
Instantly, your quiet, but very sincere response will be, "We can talk about your request when you . (do what I asked you to do)."
Now, before you discuss his request at all, make sure your child actually does what was asked of him, not just accept his promise that he WILL do it.
Also, be sure to commit only to "talking about his request." If you say that he may do what he is requesting after he does what you asked, you are using bribery. But, if you commit only to talking about his request, you are simply keeping priorities straight.
If your child pressures you to make a quick decision before his task is done, you must stay firm. If his window of opportunity to do or get what he wants is gone by the time he finishes his task, so be it.
The disappointment of a lost opportunity will be the natural and logical consequence of his refusal to honor your leadership in the first place. He won't like the outcome at the moment, but you will gain respect and retain your rightful leadership.
In the end, he will learn to appropriately honor your requests in the future.
This plan really does work. If you fail to use it, your child will call your bluff the next time. Follow it, and you will strengthen your leadership, guaranteed. Now, just DO it.
