A Foundation of Fear - Part 3 of 4
As an energetic four-year-old waits impatiently for his food, he blurts out, "Mom, why are you so slow? "
Instinctively, Mom returns with, "Sam, you'd better change your attitude right now before I send you to your room without any supper at all! "
And so begins an ugly exchange that, in fact, ends up with a punishment -- the child is sent to his room without supper.
Will the child learn something from this? Of course. But, what did the mother want him to learn? Is that what he really learned? If not, what did he learn and at what cost? All important questions, because they ask us to honestly examine what children actually learn from their punishments.
In this article, we learn that punishment usually does more to build a foundation of fear than confidence.
- FEAR: Ask any psychologist about fear and confidence. At the very least, you will find that fear is one of the most common complicating factors in mental and emotional illness.
- CONFIDENCE: Psychologists will also tell you that they don't treat a lot of people who have developed a high level of confidence. Why? Because confidence tends to overcome and shield a person from irrational fear and its complications.
- HOW IT STARTS: Most adults fail to realize that the growth of fear begins with the way they guide the behavior of children. Since fear tends to keep kids out of trouble for the moment, they assume the practice must be okay. But wouldn't it be a lot healthier in the long run for a child to make choices out of true respect and other positive motivations?
- HOW TO WIN: If you will put as much energy and intensity into helping a child understand and learn what TO do as you would normally use to punish a child for what NOT to do, your child's foundation of confidence will grow, guaranteed. In the end, his potential will develop, along with vision and courage, because he will be making positive, productive decisions from a foundation of confidence instead of fear.
