The Cost of Fun - Part 1 of 4
More and more studies show that punishing misbehavior - especially in children - almost always does more to encourage a misbehavior than to correct it!
But, why does punishment work that way?
There are at least four basic weaknesses in the practice of punishing a child for misbehavior. In this article we will treat just one. The others will come later.
The Cost of Fun
According to Dr. Vince Barone of KU Med Center, "Kids just want life to be interesting. If it isn't, they make it that way!"
As a matter of fact, when a misbehavior is punished, a child subconsciously calculates whether the "fun" is worth its "consequence". The trouble is that, to a child, the "fun" is often worth the punishment!
So, whether the "fun" is from the activity itself or from adult reactions to the misbehavior, the child has succeeded in creating fun, or entertainment. Much to our chagrin, what we intended to teach, we didn't teach at all, and what we wanted to discourage, we ended up encouraging (reinforcing)!
So, how do you change the misbehavior-for-fun syndrome?
- Start by giving your strongest responses to appropriate fun. Since children are motivated by the reactions they create, they need to see us truly and obviously enjoy acceptable "fun".
- If you correct something, give your strongest emphasis to better choices the next time around rather than to what has just gone wrong.
- Next, make it a rule in your home or classroom that fun needs to be fun for both sides. In that way, children learn to be sensitive to the feelings of others, thus encouraging empathy.
- Finally, work on a plan with the child that illustrates fun for both sides. Now, actually practice that plan on the spot. Emphasize how the new plan is fun for both the child and others involved.
In the end, when you address a behavioral matter in these ways, the child's motivations are changing, so the "fun-from-misbehavior" issue gradually fades away. In its place the child has learned to create fun that is truly fun for everyone.
