Cutting transition stress
"I don't WANT to go now!" your three-year-old screams as you grab his hand to leave the park.
We have noticed that a high percentage of stress between children and adults – maybe as high as 50% – is about changing from one activity to another.
Good news. Here's an easy way to make those transitions more graceful. It just needs a bit of forethought and a clock. Here's how it works.
About five minutes before you leave to go somewhere, tell your child you both will be leaving in five minutes. Then, two minutes later, you say you will be leaving in three minutes.
At the end of three minutes, you take your child's hand and say, "Ok, Dexter, it's time to go."
Without hesitation, you move toward the exit. Chances are very good that your child will follow you without objection or resistance, once this exercise becomes routine.
But, if your child objects, just hold steady. Remember you have two very good options:
- Calmly tell your child, "This is what we're doing now, but we can talk about it later." (Then, be sure you DO talk about it!)
- Calmly give your child the Three-Question Quiz: "What did I say?" "What does that mean?" "What's going to happen?" It's a simple 3-step exercise in accountability that tells the child you say what you mean and mean what you say.
Why is this exercise good for your child?
- Your child feels respected; i.e., you’re treating him like a human who thinks and has real feelings.
- It helps him bring his “work cycles” to a timely conclusion instead of abruptly interrupting them.
- It encourages an orderly lifestyle that will serve him well as he matures.
Finally, when using this handy tool:
- Remember to use a specific number of minutes instead of, “Pretty soon…” or “In a few minutes…”.
- Use it for any upcoming change of focus or activity. Use other time frames. The possibilities are huge.
As you apply this approach to the transitions in your child’s life, both of you will experience less stress and more joy.
So, are you ready? Get set. Go!
