"Gimme's" and "Can I's" recycled

Your response is quick...and a bit irritated.

"How do you ask that correctly?" Instantly, he responds with, "Oh yeah. May I please have more milk?"

The trouble is, you have corrected that kind of request hundreds of times, but Victor invariably waits to ask correctly until he's reminded. Will he ever learn?

Of course, but probably NOT the way you're teaching him.

"And what's wrong with my method?" you ask.

Actually, we're not talking about right and wrong. It's about being more or less effective.

Try this. "Honey, I see that you would like more milk. Please wait a few minutes and then ask me correctly."

What's so different about this approach?

What you want to instill is automatic and voluntary courtesy.

Anyone can correct himself when reminded. So far, Victor has only learned to depend on your prompting.

When you ask him to wait a few minutes and then make an appropriate request, he is required to remember with less prompting.

The difference in the teaching value of the two types of reminders is huge.

In the first, Victor is using you as a crutch. Neither his memory nor his character are truly engaged.

With creative delay, both his memory and his character are engaged. Children remember best what is important to them.

In the first model, Victor sees a proper request as something that is important to you.

When you ask him to wait or come back later, a proper request becomes important to him.

We all tend to pay more attention to that which costs us something, in this case, time.

In the first method, the cost is a mere two or three-second delay.

Using creative delay, the cost of waiting is 50 to 100 times greater. Thus, the cost of forgetting becomes a strong motivator to remember what TO do the next time.

Remember, your children's requests present great teaching opportunities many times a day. Use this approach consistently and watch "Gimmie", "Can I" and other inappropriate requests recycle into courtesies that compliment both of you.