Weaning children from baby-style requests
"Tyson is such a smart little sweetheart. At 20 months, he understands almost everything I ask him to do."
Then, the young mother quickly got to her point.
"But, when it comes to his asking for something -- needing a drink, going outside, asking for seconds -- he quickly reverts to pointing, bouncing and whining. In fact, he seems to forget his entire 250-word vocabulary."
"Why wouldn't he?" I teased her gently. "Those ways of getting what he wants have served him well."
Here's the deal. Tyson's mother wants him to 'use his words'. It's a great idea, but more easily said than done. Two adult habits quickly complicate such well-intended encouragement.
- First, it's easy to forget to remind a young child to, "Use your words." It's obvious what he wants. So, you quickly take care of it.
- Second, you may do what your child asks, if only to stop the irritating whining.
Of course, you're terribly busy, and you may have other children asking for things too. Still, whatever your excuses, both habits teach your child that his baby language still works. And, as long as it works, he will continue to use it.
So, when it's time to require Tyson to 'use his words', you must stop honoring fussy, whiney requests! Be kind, but firm. The point is to make sure that baby-style requests no longer work.
- That means you must specifically honor ONLY those requests that are made with appropriate words.
- Along the way, little reminders are fine, especially at first. Also, help him say the appropriate words, even one at a time, however unclearly they may come out.
- It also means that you are willing to endure the disappointment -crying, fussing, pouting, stubbornness - that may surface when Tyson is frustrated over your inaction!
For the record, that's when you calmly say, "I'll talk to you when you're quiet (respectful, calm, etc)."
In the end, consider this exercise to be an investment. When you quietly but firmly hold your ground, Tyson will soon learn to 'use his words'. And the rest will be history. How long it takes is largely up to you.
