Finding value in the 'repeat performance'
"Ali," you shout. "Didn't I just tell you to stop teasing your brother?"
You are understandably irritated because just moments ago, Ali said he would stop teasing his little brother. But, just as you turned your back, he did the exact same thing...again!
But wait. Understanding his poor choice can greatly reduce your personal frustration in situations like this AND make your guidance more effective.
Enter the factor of two. Consider the advantage of two eyes and ears instead of one of each. In both cases, the second eye and ear help us gain perspective on how to respond to what we see and hear.
In precisely the same way, the power of two figures into the teaching/learning process. How so? Have you ever noticed that it is common for children to immediately repeat a behavior for which they have just been corrected? Why? We believe that part of the answer lies in the child's inborn instinct to use 'the power of two'.
Therefore, his 'repeat performance' may be less about being rude or rebellious and more about seeking clarification. What if he is simply figuring out why some behavior is inappropriate and is using 'the power of two' to figure it out?
In any case, what if Ali's young mind is asking, "How can something that is so much fun for me be wrong? Why is mom trying to take my fun away?"
You see, when we correct a child, the need for that correction may be perfectly clear to us, but not to the child.
Here's the point: how we respond to such 'repeat performances' largely determines how much benefit they will receive from such moments.
If we respond with impatience, we neutralize much of the benefit they receive from our upcoming correction. However, when we respond with, "Now, Ali, what did we just talk about?" (or some form of that question), we build on his inborn way of finding perspective.
So, instead of getting upset the next time your child ignores your correction, think about his 'repeat performance' as an invitation for you to clarify boundaries.
With tack and patience, you will find, as we have, that the teaching / learning process will be less frustrating and more efficient than ever!
