Well, ‘yes’ … and ‘no’
"Latisha! How many times do I have to tell you to close the door?"
Have you wished that you could do with your child what you do with a computer? Tell it what to do once, and after that, it remembers.
In a way, kids ARE like computers, since they need to be taught (trained, programmed) to do most tasks in life.
However, we are often frustrated by their lack of remembering, resulting in the same mistakes - and our giving the same reminders - until we're 'blue in the face'!
Wait. Where does THAT expression come from? Could it be that tucked into those words is a big reason children don't learn some things more quickly?
What's happening in that picture? Someone is getting more and more emotional, right up to a point of hyperventilation.
And what have we learned about a child's reaction when her correction is laced with emotion? Her receptors (the Limbic System) send incoming instruction to the Brain Stem that automatically triggers a reaction of self-defense.
Not so good. In fact, when that happens, you are virtually locking your child into the very behavior you want to change! The fact is that the rational part of the brain - the Cerebral Cortex - probably hasn't 'heard' the signal at all.
So, let's ask, "How can I get my child to remember what I teach her?"
- Clarity: Have your child actually do, or repeat - right then - what you are requesting, so there is no question about what you mean.
- Consistency: If you want a child to ask to be excused before leaving the table, for example, make sure you require that request EVERY time.
- Practice: Use quiet, non-emotional moments to role-play the action you are teaching. Over the next several days, practice until what you're teaching becomes 'normal'.
- Recognition: Sincerely thank your child for following your direction - even if it was done reluctantly.
- Patience: Stay calm. Use a steady, quiet voice. Hold onto the assurance that, as you consistently follow these steps, your child will eventually learn … and remember!
Faithfully follow these practices, and you will find your child honoring your instruction … almost like your computer!
