"I have two families," the caller related in a sad voice. "I was real hard on the first ones and they turned out pretty well. After several years, we had a second group of kids. We weren't so hard on them and now they're an embarrassment to us! "
"So, why are you calling us? " I queried, now interested in how we figured into this story. His answer was significant.
"Because," he replied, "Our state gave us new rules without new tools. But you seem to have new tools for the new rules."
He then continued, "I have to think that everything would have turned out better if, from the beginning, we had followed your system. "
Beyond the satisfaction that comes with such an affirmation, is the realization that what we teach is "a breath of fresh air" for a lot of people. It isn't really new, but for many it seems new because a consistently positive child management system is so unusual.
In spite of a growing awareness of how easy it is to injure the future of a young child, many of us still unconsciously repeat the negative practices of our parents and other adults in our childhoods.
Besides, it is almost always quicker and easier to speak to what is wrong than to positively project corrections into the future.
So, what are these "new rules?" Here are ten of them. We call them, "The Ten Be-Attitudes".
- Be positive. (Say what TO do, without threats.)
- Be brief. (No lectures needed.)
- Be restrained. (No drama necessary.)
- Be focused. (Look in the child's eyes.)
- Be sincere. (Sarcasm attacks self-image.)
- Be specific. (Generalizations confuse.)
- Be patient. (Give time & space to process.)
- Be gentle. (Physical punishments ultimately make matters worse.)
- Be firm. (Set clear limits.)
- Be consistent. (Use positive methods all the time.)
Use these approaches consistently, and you will be more effective with less stress for everyone. Believe it...because it's true!
