The voice on the phone was eager. "When does your next course start?" "Why do you ask?" I queried with interest, because the caller had just finished our DWD course two days before.
She then made a most interesting confession. "For the first time in my life, I'm listening to myself," she said with a voice of hope. "Now I think I'm ready to listen to you."
Her admission was significant because she had always thought herself to be a positive person. However, when she started honestly listening to the way she corrected her children, she began to see a lot of room for improvement.
So, what does being positive mean in REAL life? It's a huge subject, but here are some basics:
- It means looking forward more than looking backward when correcting your child, as in "What better choice will you make NEXT time?"
- It means making your main and final emphasis in correction what TO do, rather than what NOT to do.
- It means tucking any corrective comments between encouraging words.
- It means motivating your children with 'thanks' for jobs well done, rather than by threats or other fear-based methods.
- It means projecting an attitude of positive expectation about yourself, your family and the conditions that make up your world.
- It means asking 'open' instead of 'loaded' questions. Instead of, "Why did you do that?" simply ask, "What happened here?"
No one said it's easy. In fact, to be consistently positive takes lots of practice. But, you can only correct yourself if you listen first.
And, it's a good idea to ask your spouse or partner that helps to raise your child to help you notice your negative moments. (However, be sure to talk about them outside the earshot of the child.)
Remember, being stubbornly positive will eventually have the same outcome as the sapling that grows beside the sidewalk.
At first, the concrete is by far stronger than the sapling. However, as the sapling grows into a tree, its constant positive presence eventually breaks even the strongest walkway.
In the same way, your gentle, but consistent use of positive guidance will overcome the negativity of even the most resistant child.
