What is 'spectating'? Children do it when parents get so busy doing things for the kids that they become more spectators than participants.

You've experienced it. You rush around getting things together for soccer practice while the soccer player finishes a TV show. Meanwhile, you complain, "Why doesn't anybody ever help?"

True, it's sometimes hard to get the kids' heads into things that are good for them. But, HOW you involve them largely determines whether or not they are emotionally engaged.

Here are six ways to engage your kids that help to avoid the 'spectating' syndrome:

• Talk to your child's eyes. It's easy to talk to the back of your child's head, assuming that he is listening. Bad assumption. He needs (and wants) your eyes, regardless of how he is acting.
• After directing your child to do something, ask him what he is going to do. This can help you both avoid unnecessary conflict.
• Give your kids a voice in the decisions that will occupy their time.
  
  When you habitually make decisions FOR them without their input, they become increasingly difficult to motivate or manage.
• Make choices a normal part of the way you operate. Be creative. Help the kids enjoy their choices. At bedtime, ask, "Would you like to walk backward to bed or do the wheelbarrow?" However, one a choice is made, help them stick with it.
• You can make a group activity of almost everything, from doing the wash to getting ready to go somewhere. Avoid scurrying about while the kids sit by and 'spectate'. Teach - and remind - them to use the question, "What may I do to help?" Now, that's engagement in action!
• Finally, use neutral, but guided questions to discuss what they watch on TV or at the movies - the values guiding the show, what motivates the characters to do what they do, what to mimic and what to avoid. Begin that kind of evaluation when they start talking and continue it until they leave home.

Obviously, engagement is an extremely important component of effective parenting. Determine now to raise engaged participants, rather than passive spectators.