(Practice, Practice, Practice)
It's time for Amanda to put her coat on. This time her mother is doing the honors. Her father whispers to me, "Watch what happens now."
You see, Amanda had already made a habit of throwing tantrums over wearing her coat, so Daddy knew what to expect.
"Hold on," I said to the father. "If you already know what is about to happen, then you can do something about it before it happens."
"Oh, really?" quizzed the doubting dad.
Here's the deal. The key word is 'practice'.
Think about it. While Amanda's coat tantrums may have begun as an experiment, they became a habit when she saw how effective they were! Doesn't it follow then, that, if we want to help a child change an undesirable behavior, we need to practice the new behavior?
Of course, it makes sense. But how many of us actually do that? It's easier than you may think. Here's how it works:
First, figure out what you want to happen next time.
Then, in a moment that is free of stress between the two of you, explain that you want to practice (play make-believe) what she will do when it is really time to put her coat on.
Repeat your practice sessions several times each day, increasing in frequency as the time approaches for "the real thing".
Reinforce each successful practice session with a sincere "Thank you for..." (in the place of a compliment).
When the real time comes, preface the moment by saying, "Now, honey, let's do what we practiced."
When success happens, again, give a sincere "thank you." But, be a bit restrained, because you want the child to see her successful behavior as "normal" rather than unusual.
If she reverts back to the old behavior, say, "Remember what we practiced? That's what I need you to do now." Then, continue the exercise as if she has agreed with you. No other discussion or coaxing are helpful at this point.
That's about it - practice, practice, practice. The right kind of practice can be very rewarding ... and reduce frustration too!
